Are you a parent with a teen who is struggling with self-esteem?

Are you a teen struggling with how to improve self-esteem?

There are several ways to improve self-esteem when focusing on the two major components. One component requires identifying your level of self-worth based on whether or not you are a good or bad person. The other component is based on your level of competence and knowledge. The good news is that self-esteem can be rebuilt if when the stigma of those components have been broken down, either by negative experiences in life or irrational self-talk that influences your perception to be altered from reality. Most likely you have been unaware how negatively you are toward yourself. My advice is that you give yourself the same amount of grace and love that you would give your best friend in the same situations. The good news is that by managing your inner critical self, you are able to focus on what is going well for you and not expecting perfection that is unattainable. The difference between your perception and reality is that everyone, including you, has the ability to attain a good quality of life and accomplishment personal life-affirming goals. However, irrational self-talk or “inner critic” tells a person that he or she is not worthy or capable of happiness, personal growth, and success. The most life-changing circumstances that begin this cycle of inner critic tend to include peer bullying, unstable parental attachment, as well as childhood sexual, physical, and even emotional abuse.  All of these factors in emotional difficulty are unloaded and increases as the person experiences them within a younger age range.

Start taking control of my teenage life:

First understand your differences, secondly learn to accept them, and lastly appreciate them. If you believe in God, then remember this scripture: “So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God, he created them; male and female he created them.” Genesis 1:27

This means that your uniqueness, both flaws and perfections, were planned by God before you were even born. You might have a different body shape, hair style, and clothing than the popular group at school, but remind yourself it does not matter what other people think. In a few years you will no longer be impacted by that popular high school group any longer. It is highly likely that none of your school peers will be in your life when you are an adult. Additionally, keep track of your emotions and communicate with everyone that you can trust. If you have trouble trusting people in general, then work on recognizing the relationships with people that truly care about you, and lean on them for emotional support. Try to avoid placing expectations of perfection upon yourself that are impossible to achieve. Recognize that your mistakes are learning opportunities and consistently tell yourself that you are doing your best and that is good enough.

What can parents do?

Before any issues get out of hand, insure safety at all times and do not allow your teen to develop habits of isolation. Model self-affirming behaviors, positive self-talk, loving openness, and communicate the barriers of judgment towards others.

For example, if a mother begins to judge herself or anyone else based on the physical attributes of her body, then her children will learn how important body image should be in life. The teenager grows emotionally to believe that he does not deserve love or affection until meeting unrealistic standards. This can lead to self-sabotage of eating disorders and body dysphoric disorders. Currently in my counseling practice, there is a mother and daughter supporting each other and working as a team to lose weight and keep their family on a healthy diet. The young daughter has already lost about 22 lbs. and has about 40 lbs. more to lose. She is motivated by the encouragement that her mother has placed upon the process. This model includes self-acceptance for regression of goals and self-forgiveness when mistakes occur. Another mother and daughter visiting my office are dealing with issues of competing dynamics in their relationship. The mother has been flaunting her body in front of her daughter’s male peers and has taught her daughter that body shape is more important than selfless acts in life. When this mother is not at the fitness gym, she is lying in the sun tanning her body. The daughter has attempted multiple times to compete against her mother, by engaging in eating disorder habits. Eating is often a way of coping with the negative feelings stemmed from the lack of emotional attachment from a parent. To gain the attention that this daughter craves, she has used her sexuality to get attention from men. This model places discouragement and lack of self-forgiveness upon the teenager. This model tends to cause self-mutilation, either physically or emotionally.  Lastly, as a parent or caregiver, you are responsible for seeking out adequate professional help for your struggling teenager. Encourage and model acceptance of help from other people when necessary.

What can friends do?

Always use positive affirmations to encourage and avoid judging or critiquing those with low self-esteem. Offer emotional support and help seek out professional support to those friends who are threatening suicide.  Many of the concepts mentioned in the parental section apply to friendships as well, specifically modeling behaviors. Avoid being envious of other people, remind them that each person excels differently, and help them set goals to improve self-recognition what can be changed. Assist with pointing out the positive attributes in yourself and your friends with low self-confidence. Lastly, get involved with helping the community, exercise with each other, and show one another how to relax to enjoy life.

Visit the Low Self-Esteem Help Service Page to access more ideas to increase self-esteem in your own life as well as the life of your loved ones. For parents, take the steps needed to gain reassurance you and your teenagers are making decisions that will enable true healing and self-transformation!

For Immediate Help with Low Self-Esteem please call (760) 458-1600 or Book an Appointment TODAY for a Complimentary Session.