If your child is not listening, rebelling, and arguing with you, these seven strategies for disciplining and teaching your children and adolescents with love can help:

1. Why do kids misbehave? For attention and power, they must get enough of each everyday in positive ways
2. Negative behaviors are motivated by the attention they want. Kids only continue behaviors that works for them.

   Children need a sense of independence, autonomy, and control. If they do not feel any of those, then they will challenge you in a power struggle

3. What does NOT work: time outs, counting 1,2,3 and punishments that involve blame, shame, or pain because they do not learn anything.

   Motivate your children to make better choices with discipline strategies that are teaching and training them.

4. The personalities of each parent drastically effects the behaviors of their children. Misbehavior is never just the child’s problem.
5. The 5 Rules for consequences, specific for children ages 2 – teen years:
   1. Remain calm, wait until you calm down to deal with it
   2. Consequence must be related to misbehavior (i.e. brush teeth, then no sweets)- allow them then choice to not brush their teeth
   3. Fair consequences in duration based on child’s developmental level/age
   4. Consequence must be revealed in advance, give them a choice, give opportunity/power to them
   5. Consequences must be repeated back to you… “just so that we are clear, what are your choices and consequences?” (if your child cannot repeat back, then they might not be mature enough to receive particular privileges)

   They must take personal responsibility, try to say something like this: “what can you do to help you remember this rule?”

6. Start off with using “I statements” (i.e. “I have noticed that you are having a hard time with…”). Then state the expected behavior. Lastly, reveal the consequence (i.e. if you choose to not follow the rule, then…).
7. When your child is expressing tantrums or melt downs: let them do this and do NOT get stuck in power struggles. Do not give power and attention to negative behaviors.

   Ignore it and once they are done, then deal with teaching and training opportunities.

Parents: Stay tuned to upcoming blogs posted that will cover more strategies required to correct specific behaviors, such as toilet training, struggles with waking up and getting to bed, as well as completing chores and homework.