Parenting is difficult, especially when your child is hurting from a tragic loss.

How to help grieving children and teens can be challenging.

Children grieve differently than adults. They tend to exhibit abnormal behaviors, such as violent play, verbally shut down, and often become easily irritated when attempting to interact. If your child begins to act out in self-destructive behaviors or you observe drastic changes in their personality, then seek out professional mental health support for your children. Too often children come into my office after parents have waited until school grades, work performance, and home life has been negatively affected. I am about to share with you some tips to help your children starting about age 5 and can be applied to teenagers as well. I will also share with you my personal experiences of grieving my own mother’s death at age 15 and how my father handled it. My hope is that parents will use this information to avoid putting their children through the same struggles that I encountered as a teenager who was grieving.

Take action today with these 10 Tips on how to help grieving children and teens:

1.  Allow time – adaption for change: The grief process is different for everyone and will take longer for some children. My mother died on a Friday and I was expected to return to school that following Monday. As a grieving teenager, I was not ready to talk to anyone or able to focus on my schoolwork.

2. Provide a sense of autonomy:
deliver options for children to feel that they can grieve in their own way. Some kids need more space where others may want to distract themselves as often as possible. Offer multiple choices verbally and remind them that there is no judgment, only support.

3. Create a way to say goodbye:
this would be a form of memorial services. As time passes, do not expect your child to forget the person who has passed away. Set up ways to maintain memories, such as keeping pictures in the home or continue to engage in activities that your child had done with that person. At age 15, I was given the choice to release my mother’s ashes in the ocean with my bare hands. I felt empowered to personally let her go.

4. Keep open communication:
allow your children to ask questions. You want them to feel they can talk about the loss anytime. Whether or not you liked the person who passed away, children have their own feelings separate from your feelings. My parents got divorced before my mother committed suicide and for years my father struggles with his anger toward her.

5. Teach normalcy and acceptance of grieving:
this is against what our society teaches “we need to get over it and go back to being productive.” Model your own grieving by expressing emotions appropriately. Show your children that “mommy and daddy ask for help,” so your children can share their feelings.

6. Eliminate judgment:
as mentioned earlier, grieving processes are unique. Some children will react with avoidant behaviors whereas other will act out with aggression. On the other hand, children will follow healthy patterns once they see that their parents are constructively expressing themselves with acceptance.

7. Quality time:
watching television together does not count. Encourage your child to take mental break or even a vacation with you. We all have responsibilities, like a job, however as a parent your number one responsibility is your child’s mental and physical health.

8. Be prepared for inconsistent sleep patterns:
Children who are grieving tend to exhibit nightmares often, and have trouble falling asleep or staying asleep. Try some holistic approaches, such as essential oil diffusers, meditative music, or read together. As a last resort, ask the pediatrician if your child can take anything over the counter, such as Melatonin, ZzzQuil, or Unisom.

9. Avoid medications:
GRIEVING IS NORMAL! Do not give the message that “you need to get over it.” If your child seems depressed, allow them to get emotional support with family, friends, as well as support groups. In my personal experience, I was prescribed antidepressants due to the depressive thoughts from my mother’s death. At that young age, I was obsessively thinking about being with her in heaven. I overdosed on my prescription pills and forced to stay in the behavioral health unit of the hospital until they knew I was not going to harm myself again. I am not saying that this will happen to every child, however it is a risk to consider.

10. Access to counseling services:
at times your family may not be enough emotional support for your child. You as well as other family members most likely are healing from your own emotional pain. Therefore having professional counselors to help with the healing process would be beneficial for the entire family, if possible.

For more information on receiving help for a grieving adolescent or teen check out the Resources Page.

For Immediate Help call (760) 458-1600 or Book an Appointment TODAY for a Complimentary Session.